Ah Mexiquito, how you challenge and uplift me. So much laughter, screaming, dusty teared faces. Every time I leave, I am exhausted, covered in dirt and dried weeds, orange juice, lollipop drool, boogers, and occasionally, pee. Believe it or not, even though I feel physically gross, my over all state of being is that of exhilaration. Today I helped a little one to ride a bike without training wheels. He'd manage to go a few feet on his own, crash, get up and turn around with an enormous smile and start clapping. Another beautiful moment was when I asked the young guy who had learned to ride a bike about two weeks ago, to come over and aid us. I said, "you will be a great teacher because you just learned." The exchange just about cracked my heart open. And it worked, it really worked. He was able to show his compañero, how to position his foot on the pedal, and how to launch himself forward. To learn to ride a bike, to fly! What an honor to be part of this incredible rite of passage. Today I also met the newest arrival to the orphanage. He's under two years old and a sweetheart. I have no idea what his circumstances are, it's not my business to be sure. As I saw Madre Lucy walking around with him, holding his hand, swinging him and the other two year old dreamboat who lives there, on the swings, I felt that at least there would be love and care here. The madres are some of the most incredible humans I have ever been around. A mountain of patience and kindness. Happy flying, bike riding, reading, walking, and eating to all!

Two days of reading and writing and popcorn and cleaning and socializing with new friends and more popcorn. Wednesday was Los Ricos. I only participated in two of the teaching English sessions, and I was still welcomed as if I'd been around the whole time. Ted and I worked with the kindergarten and first grade again. It was a little tricky this time as it was the final day of classes before vacation and the last day of English classes until next year. The kids had all prepared a dance and there were awards and certificates to be handed out. About halfway through the ceremony, Ted and I (who were sort of hiding in the back) heard our names being called out over a microphone. We both sort of stumbled in shock to the front and were presented with pictures from the first grade class of themselves. Uhhhhhh, there are moments when one's head and heart literally feels as though they will burst open, releasing a confetti of happiness and unexplainable awe. I'm having a plethora of these moments here in Mexico. We were later treated to a lunch of chicken, mole(dammmnnnn!), rice, beans, blue corn tortillas, loads of other savory meat dishes I don't know the names of, and then... the cakes! We had three massive cakes that a few of the volunteers had pitched in to purchase. The line was endless. The kids were in a frenzy and I decided that despite my addiction to sweets, the addiction that would make me push them all aside so I could grab a mound of chocolate icing (yes, it's pretty bad), I would forget about having cake today. Instead I spoke with an incredibly kind man who has managed to travel between Mexico, Vietnam and Thailand teaching English and house sitting for the last twelve years. Rich stories that I carry with me.

Working on the final presentation. Wow. It's a lot of information and a lot of work but I think it will be pretty okay once it's sent off! If any of you wonderful friends, family, and supporters are interested in the final product, please let me know and I can send you a link to the power point. After working for a solid 4 hours this morning, I needed to wrench myself away from the computer screen and take a little walk around. Some observations - "Men at Work" blasting from a neighbors window...two dogs trying to procreate in an alley while the propane truck drove by blasting it's theme song...three visually impaired people leading one another in a line down the street until they bumped into a tamale stand...I tripped because I was watching them...more than 100 people gathered inside and outside one of the churches at 11am on a Tuesday...a teeny tiny little girl carrying a teenier puppy that she could barely hold...gorditas, peanuts, soy nuts, jicama, elote, tamales, papaya, watermelon, piña, coconut, and churros on every corner on almost every street...a woman using a machete to peel napolitas...a man carrying a bundle of roses that was bigger than him...the smell of roasted chicken, hot concrete, and fermented juice. Yes!

It rained last night! For most of our Portland friends, I can only imagine what they would think about this news. It was a treat for us though. It's very, very dusty and dry here. This means we have the glory (and it is) of the sun every day as well as the challenge of breathing in clouds of dirt. So today, the earth was just a little more damp and we walked to Mexiquito breathing in clear air. By the time we arrived most of the boys were already off and away riding their bike of choice. Ted kept busy with the other volunteers fixing flat tires and bike chains and lowering or raising bicycle seats. I spent most of my time talking to two little girls that were hanging out while their fathers were doing some construction. They were four and five and wanted to make it clear that they were cousins and not sisters. They also wanted to know how old I was, if Ted and I were married, and what I would name a child if I were to have one. I laughed at their small inquisition and asked them to tell me their favorite names so that I would have some inspiration. I heard "Sofia" "Maribel" "Estephanie" "Ana Marie" and "David" for a boy. Then they decided that they each really needed to ride a bike so I asked the head coordinator of the bike program if that would be possible given they weren't actually residents of the orphanage and they were given the go ahead. It was pretty dang sweet. Soccer was a little different this week. Mike, the guy from the states that initiated the program, left last week to go back and take care of visa stuff. All of the boys kept asking where the other "maestro" was and we were brutally reminded of how important consistency is in the lives of these kids. We have been told that many of the kids have parents that are alive but can't afford to keep them. Again, I have no concept of how this would feel and can only imagine the issues of trust each one of these kids might have with adults in their lives. The beautiful mothers of Mexiquito are there for them every day, but there are only five of them and they have a lot of work. There are volunteers that come, but some for just small amounts of time. I felt saddened today at what my own limitations are and will be. I recognized the fragility in the boys today. Many of them cycle through a bevy of emotions in 30 minutes time and it's difficult to identify how to work with each child according to their needs. There are language and cultural differences as well. One little guy was really struggling today, bursting into fits of anger and lashing out at any adult or child around him. At first I felt defensive, for myself and the others. Then I remembered that I have no clue as to what this young being has experienced. What he needs is care and empathy. I can work to give him that, even if it is for a short amount of time. Before we all parted ways today I asked him if he wanted a hug and he agreed, leapt into my arms (he's really heavy) and gave me a kiss. He had a hard time letting go and so did I.

And the day has finally arrived. It was my last "official" day as an intern at CASA. There is a possibility that I will help out here and there with events and fundraising while I live in San Miguel but I don't technically have to show up for work on Monday morning. Well, por supuesto, this last week has been a mini roller coaster ride of emotions. Although I felt a little sad, it did seem as though today was the right day to make an exit. The transition felt smooth and rounded. Last night Ted made mini chocolate and candied orange peel scones for everyone and they were enjoyed by all. My office compañeras and I went out to the luncheria down the street (not as a good-bye event, it just happened) where I purchased a plain cheese quesadilla and sweet coffee (for about $1.50). I enjoyed my first office "gossip" session in Spanish. It was pretty cool. Although I feel a little disheartened at times that my Spanish is not where I'd like it to be, I have also noticed the change. It's a slow progress but it's happening. The conversations flow just a bit more freely. The direct and indirect object pronouns are starting to make their ways into a sentence (at times correctly, at times... meh). When someone asks me a question I don't completely freeze up. What I feel at this point, is the joy of possibility. It is possible for me to be able to work and learn this beautiful language. The incredibly profound beauty that comes from conversing and interacting with people in another language, for me, is second to none. With fatigue, thrill, pain, and curiosity, if we let ourselves give way to the learning process, a transformation occurs. I have experienced just the beginning and I'm in! I'm in for the long haul. Thank you oh thank you for this time. Una buen noche!

For the last 6 weeks or so Ted has been going to Los Ricos with about 35 other folks from the states and Canada to teach English to the kids there. I was finally able to join them today. Los Ricos is a very small and very rural community about 30 minutes west of San Miguel. We began our teaching day with the kindergarten group. What can I say but adorable! Seven wee niñas were huddled around one corner of a big table that was very low to the ground. As we started to say our "hello-what-is-you-name?-my-name-is-Leila's" two little niños emerged from underneath the table to join us. What followed was a wonderful hour of singing head-shoulders-knees-and-toes, shouting out animal names as large flashcards were shown, practicing our colors, and drawing. There were many wide-eyes, smiles, boogers in noses, and hugs. We moved on from the littlest ones to first grade, and they were the wild ones! Just six kids but so much unfocused energy! We were working on numbers - 11 through 15 - which are very difficult to understand! One through ten they all get pretty quickly, I am told, but the teens are really challenging. Actually, they are challenging from english to spanish as well. We ended up splitting them up, Tara, a tough older Canadian volunteer took a girl who didn't have her notebooks and was wandering a bit, Ted took a little boy who could not sit still! I took the four other girls, and we all sat around on the ground and colored in worksheets and worked on colors, numbers, and fruits. Again, more smiles, more affection, more fun! How open they were after just meeting this weird gringa they had never seen before! The last group we worked with was the 11th graders. I was split up from Ted and handed 3 boys to work with. What a change! While they did seem to pay special attention to me and not really focus on Bob, the older man whom I was teaching with, the hugs were traded in for shyness, nervous energy, and lots of laughter. Yet, they had a stronger command of the language and it was endearing how much they wanted to understand. I admit to feeling a bit conflicted about teaching english to native spanish speakers. It is so difficult in that I am here to learn how to communicate in spanish, how to talk about myself and my life and ask questions of people about who they are and what their lives are like. I do recognize that it is a pretty amazing thing that this project exists in this village. The mothers of the community started the project by asking for english teachers to come to the community. The way they repay the efforts of the tutors is by making lunch, which we all share. Oh my oh my! Pots of all sorts sat on a table in the middle of our small room, and styrofoam cups of horchata lined one of the window sills as we all lined up to get some of the most lovely, rica, and vegetarian (I assume!) food I have had here! It was tasty, colorful, wonderful, and such a generous gesture by the families of this village. I feel so fortunate to have been allowed into there midst, allowed to meet and engage their precious kids, and invited to sit at their tables and be well fed. I never forget that I am a stranger here, and in so many moments during so many days it hurts to feel that. But during today I felt like a guest, welcomed, and so grateful.

After a morning learning about the male reproductive organs in Spanish and the myths surrounding these organs, I felt I wanted to go back to school for a third B.A. in anatomy or public health. This time, perhaps a university in Latin America! First things first, and that is that this is "technically" my last week as an intern at CASA and it is also my last week (not counting a final presentation) as a student of Spanish at Portland State. Ideally, if all goes as planned and forms are processed in good time, I will have a degree in Spanish by the end of the month. I could go into a rant about the value of a B.A. in the U.S. right now, and whether or not it was all worth going into buckets of debt but... what's the point?! For whatever reason or for the many reasons I am here now, it is due to all the little choices and steps I took in order to write this current entry. I'd like to think I had the courage and where-with-all to get myself to Latin America without the support of a school program. Yes, I'd like to think that, but truly, I needed some structure and I needed guidelines. I've reflected since I've been here on the many ways in which my education in the classroom did not entirely prepare me for conversations in Spanish. I found that I was more capable of reading in Spanish than speaking and for awhile, I was disappointed that my university education didn't offer classes in advanced conversation. I felt as though I needed to relearn the language people actually spoke here and not the language used in academic settings. Now, although of course I'd love to not owe money to the U.S. government for something I believe should be FREE, I am at peace with my decision to study Spanish. I loved most of my professors, most of the subject matter, and most of my classmates. I've had many experiences where had I not had an education in Latin American history, culture, and art, specifically with respect to its authors, I would not have been able to connect in a vibrant and wonderful way with people I have met here in Mexico. One of the first interactions I had when I arrived in Mexico, at the airport in Guadalajara, was exchanging US dollars for MX pesos. The woman who was working at the exchange office handed me a 200 peso note which boasts the face of Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz. I shrieked a little in delight and said "me encanta, me encanta sus poemas!" The woman beamed back at me, and using a small glass scope, showed me that there was a little quote from Sor Juana's poem "Hombres Necios" on the bill. I've had countless moments like this. Moments in which I am so thankful for the choices I've made that have allowed me to participate completely.