Ah Mexiquito, how you challenge and uplift me. So much laughter, screaming, dusty teared faces. Every time I leave, I am exhausted, covered in dirt and dried weeds, orange juice, lollipop drool, boogers, and occasionally, pee. Believe it or not, even though I feel physically gross, my over all state of being is that of exhilaration. Today I helped a little one to ride a bike without training wheels. He'd manage to go a few feet on his own, crash, get up and turn around with an enormous smile and start clapping. Another beautiful moment was when I asked the young guy who had learned to ride a bike about two weeks ago, to come over and aid us. I said, "you will be a great teacher because you just learned." The exchange just about cracked my heart open. And it worked, it really worked. He was able to show his compañero, how to position his foot on the pedal, and how to launch himself forward. To learn to ride a bike, to fly! What an honor to be part of this incredible rite of passage. Today I also met the newest arrival to the orphanage. He's under two years old and a sweetheart. I have no idea what his circumstances are, it's not my business to be sure. As I saw Madre Lucy walking around with him, holding his hand, swinging him and the other two year old dreamboat who lives there, on the swings, I felt that at least there would be love and care here. The madres are some of the most incredible humans I have ever been around. A mountain of patience and kindness. Happy flying, bike riding, reading, walking, and eating to all!

Two days of reading and writing and popcorn and cleaning and socializing with new friends and more popcorn. Wednesday was Los Ricos. I only participated in two of the teaching English sessions, and I was still welcomed as if I'd been around the whole time. Ted and I worked with the kindergarten and first grade again. It was a little tricky this time as it was the final day of classes before vacation and the last day of English classes until next year. The kids had all prepared a dance and there were awards and certificates to be handed out. About halfway through the ceremony, Ted and I (who were sort of hiding in the back) heard our names being called out over a microphone. We both sort of stumbled in shock to the front and were presented with pictures from the first grade class of themselves. Uhhhhhh, there are moments when one's head and heart literally feels as though they will burst open, releasing a confetti of happiness and unexplainable awe. I'm having a plethora of these moments here in Mexico. We were later treated to a lunch of chicken, mole(dammmnnnn!), rice, beans, blue corn tortillas, loads of other savory meat dishes I don't know the names of, and then... the cakes! We had three massive cakes that a few of the volunteers had pitched in to purchase. The line was endless. The kids were in a frenzy and I decided that despite my addiction to sweets, the addiction that would make me push them all aside so I could grab a mound of chocolate icing (yes, it's pretty bad), I would forget about having cake today. Instead I spoke with an incredibly kind man who has managed to travel between Mexico, Vietnam and Thailand teaching English and house sitting for the last twelve years. Rich stories that I carry with me.

Working on the final presentation. Wow. It's a lot of information and a lot of work but I think it will be pretty okay once it's sent off! If any of you wonderful friends, family, and supporters are interested in the final product, please let me know and I can send you a link to the power point. After working for a solid 4 hours this morning, I needed to wrench myself away from the computer screen and take a little walk around. Some observations - "Men at Work" blasting from a neighbors window...two dogs trying to procreate in an alley while the propane truck drove by blasting it's theme song...three visually impaired people leading one another in a line down the street until they bumped into a tamale stand...I tripped because I was watching them...more than 100 people gathered inside and outside one of the churches at 11am on a Tuesday...a teeny tiny little girl carrying a teenier puppy that she could barely hold...gorditas, peanuts, soy nuts, jicama, elote, tamales, papaya, watermelon, piña, coconut, and churros on every corner on almost every street...a woman using a machete to peel napolitas...a man carrying a bundle of roses that was bigger than him...the smell of roasted chicken, hot concrete, and fermented juice. Yes!

It rained last night! For most of our Portland friends, I can only imagine what they would think about this news. It was a treat for us though. It's very, very dusty and dry here. This means we have the glory (and it is) of the sun every day as well as the challenge of breathing in clouds of dirt. So today, the earth was just a little more damp and we walked to Mexiquito breathing in clear air. By the time we arrived most of the boys were already off and away riding their bike of choice. Ted kept busy with the other volunteers fixing flat tires and bike chains and lowering or raising bicycle seats. I spent most of my time talking to two little girls that were hanging out while their fathers were doing some construction. They were four and five and wanted to make it clear that they were cousins and not sisters. They also wanted to know how old I was, if Ted and I were married, and what I would name a child if I were to have one. I laughed at their small inquisition and asked them to tell me their favorite names so that I would have some inspiration. I heard "Sofia" "Maribel" "Estephanie" "Ana Marie" and "David" for a boy. Then they decided that they each really needed to ride a bike so I asked the head coordinator of the bike program if that would be possible given they weren't actually residents of the orphanage and they were given the go ahead. It was pretty dang sweet. Soccer was a little different this week. Mike, the guy from the states that initiated the program, left last week to go back and take care of visa stuff. All of the boys kept asking where the other "maestro" was and we were brutally reminded of how important consistency is in the lives of these kids. We have been told that many of the kids have parents that are alive but can't afford to keep them. Again, I have no concept of how this would feel and can only imagine the issues of trust each one of these kids might have with adults in their lives. The beautiful mothers of Mexiquito are there for them every day, but there are only five of them and they have a lot of work. There are volunteers that come, but some for just small amounts of time. I felt saddened today at what my own limitations are and will be. I recognized the fragility in the boys today. Many of them cycle through a bevy of emotions in 30 minutes time and it's difficult to identify how to work with each child according to their needs. There are language and cultural differences as well. One little guy was really struggling today, bursting into fits of anger and lashing out at any adult or child around him. At first I felt defensive, for myself and the others. Then I remembered that I have no clue as to what this young being has experienced. What he needs is care and empathy. I can work to give him that, even if it is for a short amount of time. Before we all parted ways today I asked him if he wanted a hug and he agreed, leapt into my arms (he's really heavy) and gave me a kiss. He had a hard time letting go and so did I.

And the day has finally arrived. It was my last "official" day as an intern at CASA. There is a possibility that I will help out here and there with events and fundraising while I live in San Miguel but I don't technically have to show up for work on Monday morning. Well, por supuesto, this last week has been a mini roller coaster ride of emotions. Although I felt a little sad, it did seem as though today was the right day to make an exit. The transition felt smooth and rounded. Last night Ted made mini chocolate and candied orange peel scones for everyone and they were enjoyed by all. My office compañeras and I went out to the luncheria down the street (not as a good-bye event, it just happened) where I purchased a plain cheese quesadilla and sweet coffee (for about $1.50). I enjoyed my first office "gossip" session in Spanish. It was pretty cool. Although I feel a little disheartened at times that my Spanish is not where I'd like it to be, I have also noticed the change. It's a slow progress but it's happening. The conversations flow just a bit more freely. The direct and indirect object pronouns are starting to make their ways into a sentence (at times correctly, at times... meh). When someone asks me a question I don't completely freeze up. What I feel at this point, is the joy of possibility. It is possible for me to be able to work and learn this beautiful language. The incredibly profound beauty that comes from conversing and interacting with people in another language, for me, is second to none. With fatigue, thrill, pain, and curiosity, if we let ourselves give way to the learning process, a transformation occurs. I have experienced just the beginning and I'm in! I'm in for the long haul. Thank you oh thank you for this time. Una buen noche!

For the last 6 weeks or so Ted has been going to Los Ricos with about 35 other folks from the states and Canada to teach English to the kids there. I was finally able to join them today. Los Ricos is a very small and very rural community about 30 minutes west of San Miguel. We began our teaching day with the kindergarten group. What can I say but adorable! Seven wee niñas were huddled around one corner of a big table that was very low to the ground. As we started to say our "hello-what-is-you-name?-my-name-is-Leila's" two little niños emerged from underneath the table to join us. What followed was a wonderful hour of singing head-shoulders-knees-and-toes, shouting out animal names as large flashcards were shown, practicing our colors, and drawing. There were many wide-eyes, smiles, boogers in noses, and hugs. We moved on from the littlest ones to first grade, and they were the wild ones! Just six kids but so much unfocused energy! We were working on numbers - 11 through 15 - which are very difficult to understand! One through ten they all get pretty quickly, I am told, but the teens are really challenging. Actually, they are challenging from english to spanish as well. We ended up splitting them up, Tara, a tough older Canadian volunteer took a girl who didn't have her notebooks and was wandering a bit, Ted took a little boy who could not sit still! I took the four other girls, and we all sat around on the ground and colored in worksheets and worked on colors, numbers, and fruits. Again, more smiles, more affection, more fun! How open they were after just meeting this weird gringa they had never seen before! The last group we worked with was the 11th graders. I was split up from Ted and handed 3 boys to work with. What a change! While they did seem to pay special attention to me and not really focus on Bob, the older man whom I was teaching with, the hugs were traded in for shyness, nervous energy, and lots of laughter. Yet, they had a stronger command of the language and it was endearing how much they wanted to understand. I admit to feeling a bit conflicted about teaching english to native spanish speakers. It is so difficult in that I am here to learn how to communicate in spanish, how to talk about myself and my life and ask questions of people about who they are and what their lives are like. I do recognize that it is a pretty amazing thing that this project exists in this village. The mothers of the community started the project by asking for english teachers to come to the community. The way they repay the efforts of the tutors is by making lunch, which we all share. Oh my oh my! Pots of all sorts sat on a table in the middle of our small room, and styrofoam cups of horchata lined one of the window sills as we all lined up to get some of the most lovely, rica, and vegetarian (I assume!) food I have had here! It was tasty, colorful, wonderful, and such a generous gesture by the families of this village. I feel so fortunate to have been allowed into there midst, allowed to meet and engage their precious kids, and invited to sit at their tables and be well fed. I never forget that I am a stranger here, and in so many moments during so many days it hurts to feel that. But during today I felt like a guest, welcomed, and so grateful.

After a morning learning about the male reproductive organs in Spanish and the myths surrounding these organs, I felt I wanted to go back to school for a third B.A. in anatomy or public health. This time, perhaps a university in Latin America! First things first, and that is that this is "technically" my last week as an intern at CASA and it is also my last week (not counting a final presentation) as a student of Spanish at Portland State. Ideally, if all goes as planned and forms are processed in good time, I will have a degree in Spanish by the end of the month. I could go into a rant about the value of a B.A. in the U.S. right now, and whether or not it was all worth going into buckets of debt but... what's the point?! For whatever reason or for the many reasons I am here now, it is due to all the little choices and steps I took in order to write this current entry. I'd like to think I had the courage and where-with-all to get myself to Latin America without the support of a school program. Yes, I'd like to think that, but truly, I needed some structure and I needed guidelines. I've reflected since I've been here on the many ways in which my education in the classroom did not entirely prepare me for conversations in Spanish. I found that I was more capable of reading in Spanish than speaking and for awhile, I was disappointed that my university education didn't offer classes in advanced conversation. I felt as though I needed to relearn the language people actually spoke here and not the language used in academic settings. Now, although of course I'd love to not owe money to the U.S. government for something I believe should be FREE, I am at peace with my decision to study Spanish. I loved most of my professors, most of the subject matter, and most of my classmates. I've had many experiences where had I not had an education in Latin American history, culture, and art, specifically with respect to its authors, I would not have been able to connect in a vibrant and wonderful way with people I have met here in Mexico. One of the first interactions I had when I arrived in Mexico, at the airport in Guadalajara, was exchanging US dollars for MX pesos. The woman who was working at the exchange office handed me a 200 peso note which boasts the face of Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz. I shrieked a little in delight and said "me encanta, me encanta sus poemas!" The woman beamed back at me, and using a small glass scope, showed me that there was a little quote from Sor Juana's poem "Hombres Necios" on the bill. I've had countless moments like this. Moments in which I am so thankful for the choices I've made that have allowed me to participate completely.

Another bizarre and unbelievably fantastic animated video entitled "Era Uma Vez Outra Maria" was shown in the capacitaciones today. This time, the subject was about gender stereotypes. There were no audible words but instead sounds were used to express communication. Indeed, a bevy of strange sounds, some just high and low pitched beeps and clicks and clocks were used to convey facial expressions and actions. What appeared to be the sonic call of whales and dolphins was what the video used in order to express emotions and dialogue from the animated characters. It was a story of a young girl, Maria, who does not want to be pinned down by stereotypes. Though she wanted to play soccer and not with dolls, a malevolent and giant pencil would follow her and erase her actions when she tried to be "different" than the other girls around her. By far the most provocative part in the video proved to be the scene in which her older brother made his way to the family bathroom to masturbate with a porn mag, while their father smiled in approval. The next scene showed the Maria in her bedroom attempting to masturbate, when along comes that mean pencil and erases her hopes of an orgasm and instead draws pictures above her head in an animated bubble of the disapproval and anger of her parents. If I were not so blown away by the time the video was over I might have asked some questions but wow...needed some time to process the whole thing. One of the promotores gave a short lecture after the video describing the importance of communicating effectively and with accurate information to the youth that they will be trying to inform in the community. She emphasized how it was up to the promotores to develop trust and good communication with the youth as, for many of them, they have not been exposed to much of the education and information that is available. "Gender stereotypes are still alive and strong here as she explained, children are still reduced to the colors pink and blue." "What about white, yellow, green, and blue", she said! True enough. I know I should refrain from getting mushy, but, I'm really going to miss these capacitaciones and all the awesome promotores.

Hello! What an incredible two days it has been. Yesterday, I was able to take the day off of work as it was mi cumpleaños. I ventured out for a four hour walk with my true partner to the Charco del Ingenio. The Charco is an 170 acre nature reserve and botanical garden here in San Miguel. It is stunning. Within moments of walking in the reserve Ted and I felt as though we had drifted onto sacred ground. Cactus of rare varieties, some even endangered, thrive with gracious endurance from the sides of the canyon. Agave blossoms take to the air in towers that appear to be massive alien asparagus. Every weekend closest to the full moon, the Charco also hosts a Temazcal. This is a ritual and curative ceremony that uses aromatic herbs and steam and takes place in a sweat-lodge located in the ruins of the Hacienda Las Colonias in the northern part of the garden. Another wonderful fact about the Charco, in 2004 the gardens were proclaimed a Peace Zone by the Dalai Lama, during his visit to Mexico. It is a place of rare beauty and I felt honored to be able to celebrate my day of birth there. Today was Mexiquito. Ted and I were solo for the bike program, a thought that prompted some panic for me as we were walking there this morning. I had looked up as many phrases as possible to explain that today would not be a bicycle maintenance day but rather a riding day only as we didn't have enough human adult power for more than that. "What if all their tires have flats.. what if they fight over the bikes...what if one of them falls off the crazy unstable but awesome homemade ramp they set up each Saturday?!" All this and more. Thankfully, things went pretty smoothly. Actually half of the bikes did indeed have flat tires but they appeared to be slow leaks so we were able to pump them up and send them on their way. By the time the cycling hours came to a close, each kid handed their bike in with out a fuss and we went on to our soccer hours. A bit more of a challenge as we were ALL exhausted, however, the kids are really starting to connect with us and that felt invaluable today. Tonight, we are off to a kickboxing cage fight. Yes. One of the pieces of advice I received from my IE3 directors before I left was, "if your co-workers invite you to events (always be safe of course) go!" So we have been and so we are! More on that tomorrow. Buen noche to all!

Thursdays are fundraising meeting days. I do tend to look on these days with less excitement than my other days at CASA. Meetings are a challenge and I know I've written about these challenges in the past. Lots of opinions and ideas and more opinions. Still, when I looked around the table during our meeting today, I had a strong appreciation for the inter-dependance of things. I was grateful that we were all gathered in Gerardo's beautiful Cafe Muro, sipping mineral water and coffee, determining what our next moves were going to be. There have been disappointments and upsets in this group. For obvious reasons, I can't go into detail about any of it, and more importantly, what matters is that we've managed to keep it together! I have a feeling it often takes groups like this a bit of time to move around and settle and stretch and settle and walk away and come back and settle, until you have people that are working "synergistically" and constructively with one another. I also truly believe that people want to be a part of something they believe in or have a strong connection with. It's just possible that support may come in many different forms. I was recently cataloging some of the press releases CASA has received over the years, and realized how long it has taken this non-profit to succeed. Well, thirty years to be exact. There have also been a lot of huge set-backs and disappointments along the way. They stuck with it. At times, I believe that perseverance is as important as passion. Passion can waiver in the face of adversity. Perseverance takes the hand of passion when it cannot move along on its own. Damn, I have learned a lot about working with people.

Okay, I'm learning some very important lessons in the art of humility. And I'll say, that whenever I do find myself getting a little cocky or too preoccupied with my needs being the most important, I ...am...leveled! Perhaps if my partner was not as incredible as he is, or if there was a lack of ice cream or sun, I'd be less gracious about my shortcomings. After feeling my feathers sufficiently ruffled yesterday (details not important as it happens to us all) I was about to hightail it out of a project that was occurring today. Thank the fill-in-the-blank that I was able to work through the blur of my pride in time to actually participate in today's events. The coordinator's of Colectivo 41 arranged (in about 24 hours) to do a provocative photo campaign with a successful Mexican photographer. Make-up, models, and snacks were all arranged as well. We wanted to document to entire process, so I had a camera as well as the graphic designer from CASA and another volunteer. All of the models (mainly youth from the LGBT community) had their faces painted to appear as if they had just been severely beaten. The message of the campaign will be something to the effect that "The violence stops with you." There was a lot of laughter and general enjoyment whilst everyone was getting bruises and blood painted onto their faces. At quite a few points (and I'm sure I wasn't alone in this) I did take a look around and think, "we can afford to laugh because we feel safe right now" and it hit me really hard that tens of thousands of people have and continue to be victims of horrible acts of violence because they are considered "different." At one point today, one of the coordinators started conducting video interviews with the volunteers. Many told their own personal stories with such honesty and depth... well, no words to convey my own reaction. One women told of an incident in Mexico City, walking down the street with her girlfriend, simply holding hands, and a group of about 30 men started yelling aggressively to them that they were going to "rape them in order to teach them a lesson." Well what can be said? This hatred, is too profound for me to comment on. All I can do is silently create benevolent energy, an energy based in undifferentiated awareness and love. We have to do something.

In our morning trainings today, I was lucky enough to be able to watch one of the most amazing and bizarre informational videos I have ever seen - and I am pretty sure that has ever been made. The topic was quite serious - molestation. The storytelling conceit? Monkey puppets. There was the bad monkey, the one who was inappropriately touching the other monkey. This was met with some laughter by the promotores, but more seriousness than one might expect. At a certain point in the video, the monkeys stop, and break into song. Onto the screen flash animated "genitalia." We sat together listening to - "los genitalias les gusta amor"or, genitals like to be cared for. It went on to instruct us on good washing practice, with a smiling vagina, bow in hair, and a penis with a face singing away. I couldn't help but think of a kid coming home from school, met at the door by mom or dad asking, "so what did you learn in school today?" One thing that I haven't mentioned yet is how great/common the snack/junk food is here. All manner of cookie and crackers, ice cream and candy can be found in even the smallest of aborrates, or tiny convenience store. Most days I just nod at the temptation and then walk on. But today was one of those days that, after work, after being tired, a bunch of goodies just found their way into my bolsa. Oops! Oh well. Its cultural exploration. Although, Ritz crackers are pretty much the same anywhere. In seriousness, there are really quality bakeries here, with a surprising selection of treats - many different cookies and pastries, most of which I can't identify, so I have to take it on faith that they will be good. And, my friends, they always are. Today, a palmier, which is french I suppose, a donut (as good as anything I have gotten before), and a little cute swan shaped things, that as it turns out was filled with custard!!!

Another round of capacitaciones started today. These are the educational trainings that are given to the promotores before they go into the any of the local communities. These next few weeks they (and I) will be learning about the PESSANE program at CASA. To take from the CASA page, "PESSANE was founded in 1992 with the goal of providing essential, age-appropriate, sexual and reproductive health education to teachers, parents, and students through interactive workshops in the Guanajuato state school system. The team provides orientation on sexuality, family planning, self-esteem, depression, substance abuse, and violence. PESSANE runs a popular annual summer program; its unique model aims to coach adolescents from all over the country and turn them into leaders in their own communities and schools." This program is particularly inspiring to me in that one of the main goals is to encourage and foster youth education and leadership. As the coordinator for the program was explaining to the promotores today, it's one thing to talk about family planning with young people (which can provoke taboo subjects such as abortion or sexually transmitted diseases) with an older teacher or parent and quite another thing to talk with a peer counselor. It opens up the possibility for more open discussions and trust. Obviously when I was younger I would have chosen a peer to talk to about sex over any teacher or adult I know! This week we will also learn about PESSANES recycling program and community garden project. A wonderful way to round out my last few weeks here.

Bicycles! Soccer! Mexiquito! We spent five hours at the orphanage today. For the first two, we were with three fantastic people from the states who have set up bike repair classes and a free-for-all bike riding day for the kids. Two evenings a week they have classes in which they teach the kids how to fix flat tires (which occurs about every 3 minutes) repair bike pedals, bike chains, adjust seats, handlebars, and more. It is now the good fortune of Ted and I to be able to join them for the bike riding part of it that is every Saturday. The kids fly ecstatically down to the bike shed after their breakfasts to get started. One of us volunteers takes their name, writes a description of the bike they will ride, and the shape the bike is in. When it's time to return the bike, the child needs to identify if any problems have occurred and then they repair them in the next class. Most of the children have godparents, and it is the godparents of many of the past kids from the orphanage that have provided the bikes over time. One of the volunteers had helped a young boy, the newest addition to the orphanage, ride a bike by himself for the very first time last week. I continued to help him in this venture today. He fell a lot. He got back up every time, pleaded for help with his start off push and then adelante! He started to ride for longer periods of time and he started to take off by himself. So good, his smile went up to the clouds. Next week Ted and I will be leading the bike crew. The volunteers that run the program will be out of town and they have entrusted us with a job I'll be looking forward to all week. Next was soccer, oranges, and conversation in Spanish with a new friend. She is a teacher from Guanajuato and has been coming with Mike, the man that started the soccer program to help with translation and for support. We talk about our favorite authors, traveling, and more. She used to work with a group of Zapatistas. I have developed a girlfriend crush! After coming home from a long day in the sun and a surprisingly cold wind, I feel the fatigue that carries pure happiness in it's threads.

The traditional weekend is here. I'm going to be honest, I'm ready for it! Even if it's just two days, I'm going to try and stay away from the computer and I'm going to try and read twenty pages of a young adult book that's in Spanish. One of today's tasks involved a jaunt through the middle of town, or, El Centro. The sky was filled with clouds this morning. The air was cold, it seemed as though rain was imminent. I felt momentarily whisked back to life in Portland. I started looking for coffee! I was on my way to the post office to deliver letters and lo and behold, there was a fairly large festival going on in front of the grand parroquia. People were dressed in gorgeous costumes, feathered headdresses and covered in a variety of face and body paint. They danced to the strength of a group of drummers. There was incense and charcoal burning. Hundreds of school kids in uniforms taking notes and pictures surrounded the square. I have been told quite a few times that one never knows when there will be a festival or parade here in San Miguel but chances are you will run into one almost daily. Yet another reason for me to feel fortunate for my time here. I actually don't mind being woken up before dawn by fireworks. I prefer it to an alarm clock! How could I have known three months ago, as I was finalizing plans to do this internship, that I would be given the duty of delivering letters to a post office as part of my time here. That this simple task would enable me to witness a dance. I have no idea, nor was I able to find out, what it was that people were celebrating. That's okay - they are!