Language proficiency. It's interesting to experience some of the feelings that are introducing themselves with respect to language proficiency. I find myself being oddly jealous of native Spanish speakers. "What fluidity they have, how easily they are able to trill the rrrr's, the jokes, the stories, how quickly they are transmitted!" Everyone is in on the same secret, except me. I know this envy, this train of thought might seem ridiculous and and that would be because...it is ridiculous. Of course I'm not going to be proficient in Spanish, of course I'm not going to be able to carry on an easy flowing conversation in Spanish after being in Mexico for less than two months. There is no secret. OF COURSE! I may know these facts intellectually, but the impatient self wants to understand and express everything RIGHT NOW! At the meetings I sit in on at CASA, I want to understand all of the subtle nuances. My co workers nod in agreement over a topic and I think "were they talking about an event or food with pork skins... was it a car that was hit or a wall...did this happen ten years ago or last week?" Then of course there are the expressions used here that I did not learn in any Spanish class in the states. For example, people here do not refer to buses as "autobûs" but instead, "camiôn." People do not say "como?" for what but rather "mande?" People do not say "por favor" for please but instead it is shortened to "por fa" or a curious version that is "por fis." It has taken me about two months and inquiries to learn these few things. A big part of me feels thrilled that I can now say and understand about six new expressions. Another part of me is overwhelmed and dismayed that it might take more time than I have on planet earth before I have any command of the Spanish language. When do I put a rein on the self-pity? When does the feeling-sorry-for-myself-fiesta come to a halt? When I remember how we can all struggle to be understood in our own native language, let alone another. I think on the countless times I have directly witnessed the frustration and sadness of non-native English speakers in the U.S. unable to fill out an application, receive basic services, or be treated with rudeness and contempt. Patience. We need more of it. I need more of it.